| There are as many reasons for divorce, as there are | | | | appearance by your wife’s favorite actor. |
| married couples! However, you might be surprised | | | | Better yet, read a newspaper article about |
| to learn that one of the most common reasons for | | | | something that interests your spouse and talk to |
| divorce is nothing as dramatic as spousal abuse, or | | | | them about it over dinner. Ask them questions |
| drinking or drug addiction. | | | | about what you read and what they know about the |
| Many couples just grow apart. This issue is very | | | | topic and watch their face light up. |
| common in couples that marry young, and it is easy | | | | Listen to your spouse talk about their favorite |
| to understand. At age eighteen or twenty, a | | | | subject or hobby and, instead of shutting them |
| blushing bride or proud groom has barely come | | | | down, try to hear ‘clues’ in what they say |
| adulthood, and is certainly not mature. | | | | about what makes them interested in the subject. |
| Interests and direction are still evolving. And, when | | | | Talk to them about what YOU find interesting in the |
| that evolution begins to slow and the couple find | | | | subject. For example, if your husband belongs to a |
| themselves in their thirties or forties, they may | | | | book club and he always talks about the books he is |
| suddenly discover that they have grown apart. | | | | reading, ask him about his favorite authors or what |
| Though many young couples think that romance will | | | | kinds of books he likes best – mystery, |
| keep them together forever, a solid relationship – | | | | suspense, sci-fi. |
| one that will last for thirty, forty or fifty years of | | | | If you can’t share the interest, at least show |
| married life – is based on friendship, common | | | | your spouse that you respect and honor it. Register |
| interests and the ability to adapt and grow WITH the | | | | your gourmet cook spouse in a local session with a |
| inevitable changes that will happen. | | | | famous chef or find a website or a recipe you think |
| If you find yourself in your forteis with nothing in | | | | will interest them. |
| common with your spouse, you may feel like | | | | A particularly effective and favorite way to develop |
| strangers. You may start to become annoyed at | | | | a common interest is to look at what interests the |
| the littlest of habits. Perhpas you’ve run out of | | | | both of you now. Then try to find a common area |
| things to talk about – other than your children | | | | or a ‘type’ of activity you both like. |
| – or you find yourself alone on a Saturday | | | | An example might be if both of you like sports, but |
| afternoon, trying to remember what to say. You | | | | you don’t have a sport in common. |
| may be bored. | | | | Perhaps you bowl and you work out at the gym, and |
| This is not to suggest that you must buy a rifle and | | | | your wife runs. So, you are both in good physical |
| get to a practice range if your husband is an avid | | | | condition and you both like to be active. Maybe |
| hunter. Nor should a husband take up gourmet | | | | you’d like to take a sailing course together. |
| cooking if that is his wife’s hobby. Though, | | | | But, for right now, start small. |
| some really dedicated husbands and wives HAVE | | | | If you both like music and there is one kind that you |
| taken on the challenge of jumping in with both feet! | | | | both like, buy tickets to a concert and go see the |
| It is certainly worth a try and there is no damage by | | | | artist. Don’t wait, don’t talk about it. Just |
| giving it a shot. | | | | do it. |
| If you want to give that a try, more power to you! | | | | Or, plan a day in the city to go to a museum that |
| Just be sure that it doesn’t backfire. If you | | | | has exhibits you may both like. Your spouse will |
| decide to acquire a new interest or skill just to please | | | | gladly walk through the exhibit he does not like, to |
| your spouse, be sure you are really committed to | | | | get to the one he DOES like and you’ll get to |
| this idea or you will end up resenting your spouse for | | | | time to talk to each other as you wander around. |
| the time and effort you invest. If you take up a | | | | If his/her interests don’t align with yours, try |
| similar interest and you find yourself not enjoying, | | | | doing something NEW together that neither of you |
| take the non-judgmental approach and admit that is | | | | has tried or experienced before. If you are bored, |
| just isn’t for you. | | | | that means YOU are boring! Take the next boring or |
| And try not to waste the investment by simply | | | | peaceful moment and get out of the house. Go |
| abandoning the activity. Your spouse will be very | | | | somewhere or try a new activity that you |
| happy to know you have taken an interest but, if | | | | wouldn’t ordinarily even think about. |
| you drop out without a reason, it will look as though | | | | Along the way, you will rediscover the things you |
| you really didn’t care all that much! | | | | love about each other and the things you already |
| Below are a few thoughts and ideas: | | | | have in common. And together you might just |
| If you don’t want to take on something that | | | | develop some new interests! Remember, action |
| interests your spouse, and jump in with both feet, | | | | creates results (negative or positive) and inaction |
| you can still ‘share’ your thoughts and let | | | | breeds nothing except the reminder of your |
| them know you noticed what is important to them. | | | | discontent. If you want to change your situation, |
| For example, clip an article out of the paper on your | | | | change your actions! |
| husband’s favorite football team, or record a TV | | | | |