| There are as many reasons for divorce as there are | | | | appearance by your wife's favorite actor. Better yet, |
| married couples! However, you might be surprised to | | | | read a newspaper article about something that |
| learn that one of the most common reasons for | | | | interests your spouse and talk to them about it over |
| divorce is nothing as dramatic as spousal abuse, or | | | | dinner. Ask them questions about what you read and |
| drinking or drug addiction. | | | | what they know about the topic and watch their |
| Many couples just grow apart. This issue is very | | | | face light up. |
| common in couples that marry young, and it is easy | | | | Listen to your spouse talk about their favorite |
| to understand. At age eighteen or twenty, a blushing | | | | subject or hobby and, instead of shutting them |
| bride or proud groom has barely come adulthood, and | | | | down, try to hear 'clues' in what they say about |
| is certainly not mature. | | | | what makes them interested in the subject. |
| Interests and direction are still evolving. And, when | | | | Talk to them about what YOU find interesting in the |
| that evolution begins to slow and the couple find | | | | subject. For example, if your husband belongs to a |
| themselves in their thirties or forties, they may | | | | book club and he always talks about the books he is |
| suddenly discover that they have grown apart. | | | | reading, ask him about his favorite authors or what |
| Though many young couples think that romance will | | | | kinds of books he likes best - mystery, suspense, |
| keep them together forever, a solid relationship - one | | | | sci-fi. |
| that will last for thirty, forty or fifty years of married | | | | If you can't share the interest, at least show your |
| life - is based on friendship, common interests and | | | | spouse that you respect and honor it. Register your |
| the ability to adapt and grow WITH the inevitable | | | | gourmet cook spouse in a local session with a |
| changes that will happen. | | | | famous chef or find a website or a recipe you think |
| If you find yourself in your forties with nothing in | | | | will interest them. |
| common with your spouse, you may feel like | | | | A particularly effective and favorite way to develop |
| strangers. You may start to become annoyed at the | | | | a common interest is to look at what interests the |
| littlest of habits. Perhpas you've run out of things to | | | | both of you now. Then try to find a common area |
| talk about - other than your children - or you find | | | | or a 'type' of activity you both like. |
| yourself alone on a Saturday afternoon, trying to | | | | An example might be if both of you like sports, but |
| remember what to say. You may be bored. | | | | you don't have a sport in common. |
| This is not to suggest that you must buy a rifle and | | | | Perhaps you bowl and you work out at the gym, and |
| get to a practice range if your husband is an avid | | | | your wife runs. So, you are both in good physical |
| hunter. Nor should a husband take up gourmet | | | | condition and you both like to be active. Maybe you'd |
| cooking if that is his wife's hobby. Though, some | | | | like to take a sailing course together. |
| really dedicated husbands and wives HAVE taken on | | | | Eventually, you might even buy a boat if you both |
| the challenge of jumping in with both feet! It is | | | | like the activity. But, for right now, start small. |
| certainly worth a try and there is no damage by | | | | If you both like music and there is one kind that you |
| giving it a shot. | | | | both like, buy tickets to a concert and go see the |
| If you want to give that a try, more power to you! | | | | artist. Don't wait, don't talk about it. Just do it. |
| Just be sure that it doesn't backfire. If you decide to | | | | Or, plan a day in the city to go to a museum that |
| acquire a new interest or skill just to please your | | | | has exhibits you may both like. Your spouse will gladly |
| spouse, be sure you are really committed to this idea | | | | walk through the exhibit he does not like, to get to |
| or you will end up resenting your spouse for the time | | | | the one he DOES like and you'll get to time to talk to |
| and effort you invest. If you take up a similar | | | | each other as you wander around. |
| interest and you find yourself not enjoying, take the | | | | If his/her interests don't align with yours, try doing |
| non-judgmental approach and admit that is just isn't | | | | something NEW together that neither of you has |
| for you. | | | | tried or experienced before. If you are bored, that |
| And try not to waste the investment by simply | | | | means YOU are boring! Take the next boring or |
| abandoning the activity. Your spouse will be very | | | | peaceful moment and get out of the house. Go |
| happy to know you have taken an interest but, if | | | | somewhere or try a new activity that you wouldn't |
| you drop out without a reason, it will look as though | | | | ordinarily even think about. |
| you really didn't care all that much! | | | | Along the way, you will rediscover the things you |
| Below are a few thoughts and ideas: | | | | love about each other and the things you already |
| If you don't want to take on something that | | | | have in common. And together you might just |
| interests your spouse, and jump in with both feet, | | | | develop some new interests! Remember, action |
| you can still 'share' your thoughts and let them know | | | | creates results (negative or positive) and inaction |
| you noticed what is important to them. | | | | breeds nothing except the reminder of your |
| For example, clip an article out of the paper on your | | | | discontent. If you want to change your situation, |
| husband's favorite football team, or record a TV | | | | change your actions! |